I wish that you were waiting

I wish that you were waiting for me.
Not to be happy,
Not to find love,
Not to be fulfilled.
You should have all of those things already,
Because you are sacred.
You are "it."

I wish that you were waiting for me.
Waiting to know me,
Waiting to set me free to find my purpose.
Waiting to release me from the darkness.

I am always searching.
Searching for happiness,
Searching for love,
Searching for fulfillment,

There must be someone waiting at the other end of doubt,
To stop me from spiraling out of control,
To slow me down from shooting passed self-worth like a bullet.
To awaken and acknowledge the sacred in me,
A thing that I was born with but am blind to.

But we are strangers,
and I am strange.
Estranged from the divine within myself and the divine upon the earth,
The Earth itself.
The Moon,
The Sun,
The Cosmos.
Another thing that I was born feeling and knowing but time and circumstance stripped me of this truth, and we too are disconnected.

I look for validation from others because I don't value myself.
I am separate from my soul,
Detached from who I could be because I am broken.
The pieces that I find don't fit together which leaves me restless and anxious and constantly wanting to be anywhere other than here,
Anyone other than myself.
Because who am I really?

A speck of moon dust,
A grain of sand.
I am a minuscule amount of everything and nothing,
Never evolving into something greater,
Something substantial.
So in my mind, I am worthless because only great people accomplish great things and I am nothing and will never be because I don't care enough to pull the greatness out of myself.

You can't bring forth what you don't see.

So, I wait for someone else to see it in me.
I wait for someone else to take a stand against my insecurities,
To fight the fight I should be armed against.
I wait for someone to haul me up out of the bog I'm trapped within,
To lend me strength and assurance,
To whisper,
To shout,
To state simply that I am relevant.
That I am not a waste of space.
That I too, am a sacred being.

I wait for someone to bring me back to Oneness,
So I can be reborn,
Emerging from a lotus like some long slumbering, ancient and forgotten deity.

I wish that you were waiting for me.
Waiting to show me a possibility that doesn't otherwise exist for the unenlightened.

~Yarrow