Happy Samhain

Or Halloween if you're not pagan.

It came to me on the drive to work the other morning that today would be the perfect day to share one of my poems.
If anyone happens to be reading my blog, I would encourage you to share your thoughts on my poems.  I've never had anyone other than my sister read my stuff and am very interested in knowing what other people think.  Even if you think it stinks. If you do, try to be constructive with any criticism.  Don't just say, "This was the stupidest thing I've ever read."  Tell me why you think it was stupid.  Of course, if you like the poem, I would love to hear that as well.  If you're too shy to write to me there are little boxes at the end of the page. I think it's called "Reactions", check off a box that fits your opinion and that would make me happy too!  Anything would be appreciated. :)  Thank you.

Last Words

Don't cry for me when I die.
Life is too short to live in sorrow.
You'll always be able to find me,
For I'll have become the blessed Earth.
But should the sadness overwhelm and you miss the sound of my voice,
Listen to the birds' song.
Let it echo in your heart and know that,
"I love you."

Should you miss the feel of me,
My solid presence.
Let your fingers touch the bark of any tree,
Feel the life and know that I am beneath.

Should you miss my face,
Look to the Moon.
See me gazing down upon you,
Watching over you.

I will be the grass and dirt under foot,
The flowers that fragrant the air,
The rain that helps you sleep.

See my essence in all the creatures of the land and of the sea.
They will each hold a part of me.

I will have become everything that surrounds you,
So you'll never feel my absence.

Why I decided to publish poems.

I've always enjoyed (in my half-assed way) writing. Ever since I was a little girl stories seemed to fill my head and I would madly scribble these ideas down.  As I got older the tone of these stories changed from a character making friends with all the animals (seriously...it was a paragraph long.) to a character whose pet came back to life, (not in that terrifying creepy way that happened in Pet Cemetery), to a full length novel with pirates, dragons, wizards, assassins, and all other sorts.  It was glorious and epic.  It was glepic. ^_^ 

I dreamed of being a published author.   I imagined that one day this novel (the one with the pirates, dragons, wizards, assassins, etc.) would be resting on the shelves of the book stores. People would be captivated by the title and cover image.  They'd read the first sentence and immediately sit down to read the whole thing in one go.  Instant success. Movie deal and video game already in the works. (High expectations!)

The reality however is that this novel will never be published.  It has too many flaws.  Too many inconsistencies...it needs too much work even though I've already revised it 100+ times.  That's the problem when one is too critical of themselves.  I want to be proud of what I write.  I want to send it off into the world and be sure that people will enjoy it fully.  Not that I really expect to be successful. (I'll always be a dreamer.) I just want to do well.  I don't want people to hate anything that I write, so I hate it for them in the hopes of perfecting it...one day.

Now that I'm older and have begun working on a novel that I seriously want to get published, I'm finding it harder to get my ideas down.  I struggle with describing things and making sense of anything.  I have strong characters but as far as actual content...it's all very weak.  I get restless and overwhelmed as soon as I open the document, so I just sit and stare at it in disgust and despair.  Save and Quit.

I'm not the only writer who has this problem.  My biggest flaw is that I've stopped trying.  It will be weeks, months...years before I look at that story again.  I stopped believing that I wanted it bad enough.  I stopped believing that I was good enough. So, I gave up.  One day I'll get to it.  That's what I tell myself...that's what I've been telling myself for the last few years.

I was looking through my poem book one random day and the thought came to me that there were enough to publish.  I thought for a minute and sort of turned up my nose at the idea.  I never wanted to publish my poems. Who the hell wants to read them? I'm not an author of poetry! I write novels.  Epic novels filled with humor, romance, murder, intrigue. (Not really.) I don't want to be known for poems. (Not that I have anything against authors who strictly publish poems.  I love poems. I love reading them.) I sighed. Like you do when you're not sure that you're sure of anything.  I have a brief existential crisis and toss the book aside.  Two seconds later I scoop the book up and cradle it like some precious and holy relic.

I read through this collection of poems that I've written over the course of 10 years.  I feel all the feels and have a good cry at some particularly touching verses.  I decided at that moment that it was time to let it go.

When you're a secretive person, as I am, you hoard all your emotions until you end up looking like that old lady from the labyrinth.

I didn't want to feel like that anymore. I wanted to stand up straight, dust myself off and pull myself out of whatever hole I fell into and made a home out of.  So I spent a few weeks re-reading the poems and changing little bits here and there as well as deciding to omit a few that made no sense or were just too much.

Then I decided to tell one of my sisters about my revelation.  She was super excited and supportive and gave me my final push.  So I went ahead and did all the work in CreateSpace. (I'm keeping that experience for a different post.)  I finally hit the "publish" button on September 1st after 8 months of preparing and debating on if I should go through with it for real.

Ultimately, I decided that sharing one's experiences with others is a way to connect with them.  It's a small way of saying, "Hey, I know you're probably having a rough day. I did too, let's sit and commiserate together."

I know that my poems aren't going to solve world issues or make people feel good about life but maybe they'll make some other hermit feel less alone.  We can have our own little hermit club, only we'll never know about each other because, well...hermits hermit.  We don't really gather socially. Defeats the whole concept of hermitage doesn't it?  Anyway...you get where I'm going.  If not, well then stick with me and eventually you will. <3

~Yarrow

I published a book!

At the beginning of September, I published a book of poems.  I'm still unsure how I feel about having personal thoughts "out there".  I console myself with the thought that not many people read poetry anymore anyway, so the odds of anyone buying my book is slim.  Two months in and I'm wondering if I was being honest with myself about not caring if anyone ever read them or not.

My mind is a funny thing.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't proud of myself.  I'd be lying if I said that remaining unknown is perfectly fine.  


I'm going to share some of those poems here at some point.

I don't want to make this blog all about the book but I do want to give it a wink and a nudge. I suspect that the first few posts will be book related and I do apologize, but I should be allowed that without feeling guilty.  I self published and only told one person about it and have kept quiet ever since.  I mean...what author does that?!  Where's the launch party? Where's the press releases?  I don't have the wherewithal to go through all that to be honest.  So I'll manage in my own way.

I also want to write about the whole process of publishing via CreateSpace and what my experience was with them.

~Yarrow

At it again!

(This is my third attempt at keeping a blog, let's see how long I last. -_-)

Hello and welcome.  I've got ideas about what I want this endeavor to be about but I'm not going to list them all here.  I did that in an older blog and felt confined to write and share only those things.

I guess you can expect a little bit of everything around here. Some of it, you may find  interesting...some of it may bore you to tears.  We'll just have to soldier on and see what works.

~Yarrow