I've got that restless feeling.

(Just so you know, I sung the title to this post from that song in Top Gun, Lost that loving feeling.)

I'm feeling a big blah lately. I'm not satisfied with anything that I'm doing.  For example, I've been working on a new story and have made such amazing progress and was super happy about it, but today, I'm ready to scrap it all and walk away.  All that work and excitement got smothered out.

 I always prefer the idea of walking away.

This means that my restless nature has returned to me and I'm in for a time.  I may have written about this before.

I'm trying to work through it diplomatically, which is something that I never used to do.  Normally, I step back and let it take control.  That approach never helps.

The desire to leave is strong though.  If I could pack up my essentials and go off into the woods somewhere and exist simply, it would make me happy. 

I don't know why I get this way but it's been a feeling that has tormented me since I was a kid.  I guess part of it could be boredom.  My life is predictable and though I enjoy the lack of spontaneity in my life, I'm tired of being stationary. I've always longed for the adventure of living.

The other part is just to get away from the things I have to deal with.  I get caught up in it all and allow it to drag me down and take control.   I feel like I don't appreciate all the things that I have because I'm too focused on all the shit. I re-open old wounds, so to speak, and worry over them again. As if there's something that I could do now that I wasn't able to do while I was going through it.  Or I allow these old hurts to poison the clarity I worked so hard to achieve through the "lesson" they were meant to teach me.  Everything is always unraveling around me.  It's tiresome.

 It's human nature I suppose.

I don't know.  There's got to be something more.  I wish I could find a way to calm that restless part of my soul.  Today on the drive to work I wondered if I would ever find that one thing that I feel I need. If I did, would it be enough? Will I always want more?